Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drunk is not a location!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
PANTIES FOUND
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