every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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