She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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