Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
