I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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