it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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