You smell like a Billy Joel song
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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