a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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