I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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