my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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