I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
