after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
