Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
