the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
