Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
