does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
