If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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