i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
