Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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