My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
