hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
