Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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