fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
