oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
