So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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