You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
