I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
