I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
