Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
