i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it hurts more in the daytime
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
