Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
