I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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