I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sober January is a disaster.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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