Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
