I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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