idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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