I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
