whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
