Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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