last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
