P.S. I can't hear my feet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize