I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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