PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
