If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
