omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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