I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
