Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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