you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
