I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
