Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
