so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
