I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
