we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
