My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
