Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize