I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
