May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
