guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
