my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
